Positive Relationships
Issue 8 | February 2026
The smallest indivisible human unit is two people, not one; one is a fiction. (Kushner)
Relationships, whether personal or professional, are foundational to having a good life. Quality relationships are based on interdependence, therefore you have a responsibility to cater to some of the psychological needs of others, on the basis that others will take care of some of your needs.
Notice when others are doing good things and let them know they are appreciated.
Every day be kind, and express gratitude for the things you value about others and what they do for you; this builds up the emotional bank account.
Really listen to what others are saying. Suspend judgments and invest effort to understand their needs and desires before responding. Building trust contributes to commitment.
Spend time getting to know others’ interests, likes, dislikes, favourite stuff, and friends. Remember, people change over time. Updating what you know about each other is essential. Maintaining a friendship is critical. Contribute to fulfilling each other’s dreams.
Make deliberate plans to spend time with others by having fun, and building shared experiences and memories. Quantity time together is very important.
Negotiate, and agree upon, expectations and rules for interactions. Make requests, not demands.
Conflict is normal. When in conflict with others, look for the aspirations and future goals within that conflict. The presence of contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling in conflict is highly destructive. Repair relationship strains and ruptures ASAP.
Manage your stress, anxiety, low mood, and anger levels by learning techniques to reduce your physiological and psychological symptoms such as increased heart rate, tightness in the body, and an unhelpful thinking style.
When others bid for your attention, turn towards them and show genuine interest. Bids and turns are the basis for human connection (turning away and/or against is unhelpful). Make lots of bids.
Breath and keep calm. Speak and listen non-defensively. Validate others.
(Adapted: Gottman)
Practice, practice, practice...and maintain a sense of humour!
Article by Dr John Barletta, PhD
(Maleny Men’s Shed)
Health and Wellbeing Specialist
Queensland Men’s Shed Association
johnb@qmsa.org.au
Published 2026
